I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm like, not good at living.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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