Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
