dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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