I just threw up on my dentist
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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