Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
it hurts more in the daytime
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
