...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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