I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
