i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
