you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
