Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
