Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
