your thong is hanging out like whoa
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Green mimosas i think yes
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
