whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
