i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
