I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
sex in a hospital.. check
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
