Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
