he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
