she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
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