i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
