How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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