I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
