If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
