If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
