Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
