In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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