she looked like the before picture.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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