After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
