She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
