he shaved USA in his pubs
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
