then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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