She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
