I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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