my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
