Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
