at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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