We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Randomize
