Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
