So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
