Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
