put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
