you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
