I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
