Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
They are going to name an STD after you.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
