i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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