She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
