Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
