I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
