I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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