Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
