Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
