Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
